bad nights

I often long

for that home

out west

and the familiar bed

where I slept heavy

I often long

for those friends

I grew to love

they broke me down

over time

I often long

for my mother's words

her constant nagging

to be better

like she knew

I could

I often long

to fall asleep

in the sweet embrace

of the afternoon sun

Good Opportunities

Friday I have to go to my new Internship, actually, my first internship ever. I'm excited. This is a step in the right direction for trying to lead a more successful life. Finally I'll feel like I'm doing something that is going to progress my life, instead of doing a job that makes it feel like a stand still. People tell me that since I'm going to school I'm not wasting anytime. I look at is as: If i'm not taking advantages of the opportunities of my university or doing everything in my power to go out and find an internship then there is no point. I always end up working at jobs where people who have graduated from GOOD schools, settle for a job as a waitress, or barista. Why? I would NEVER let myself do that. Sure, it may be for a little while until I find something better, but that is what EVERYONE says. Then they end up working the same meaningless job for years because it's quick money or they become too comfortable. This is going to be a good satisfying Friday. (Even if I wont get paid for a month or two...)

I am a busy poor woman

I'm busy and poor, and this is the worst combination ever. If I weren't busy I'd get to sit around and enjoy my poorness by spending the days in a park writing, or reading books from the library. Maybe I'd get to lounge on couches of friends and spend more time playing the guitar and finding new music to inspire me, making cheap meals from the grocery store and learning to be expressive in my random mixtures of ingredients. I wouldn't be so tired anymore and I wouldn't have to worry about the time so much. But I'm busy and I constantly worry how I will pay for food the next day, how I'll metro to work and school, or pay for gas if I should decide to drive, and don't even get me started on the cost of parking. What happens if I get hungry and I have no money? I'm a mess when I'm hungry. I get angry, and I get confused, my body feels weak and my hands start to shake. What happens if I get so bored I start to cry, which is often. I have no way of entertaining myself because I can never sit still anymore and my mind races about a million things trying to decide which task to tackle first. Even though I am so busy, and I cannot stop from worrying, most things never get done and I just end up feeling like shit.