Lost in D.C.

May Polaroid last FOREVER.

2011-01-07T16:30:00.001-08:00

So, after cruising the thrift store I found some 600 Polaroid film (free 99...). I wanted to save them for an exciting adventure and take some cute pictures as it would probably have been my last time using polaroids because they are so damn expensive now; but I wanted to just take one shot. After taking one I discovered the film is a little messed up, maybe a little exposed, possibly expired?? I'm not too sure. All I know is that the film was made in the polaroid factory in Cambridge, MA which means they are pretty damn old because they no longer make film there anymore. Anyway, seeing as it was pretty messed up I just used all of them and got some pretty cool results. Robert took this, first he took the bottom of my face and then the top. We weren't planning on pasting them together but it worked out almost perfectly.

bad nights

2010-12-15T02:07:00.000-08:00

I often long

for that home

out west

and the familiar bed

where I slept heavy

I often long

for those friends

I grew to love

they broke me down

over time

I often long

for my mother's words

her constant nagging

to be better

like she knew

I could

I often long

to fall asleep

in the sweet embrace

of the afternoon sun

Good Opportunities

2010-12-01T14:15:00.001-08:00

Friday I have to go to my new Internship, actually, my first internship ever. I'm excited. This is a step in the right direction for trying to lead a more successful life. Finally I'll feel like I'm doing something that is going to progress my life, instead of doing a job that makes it feel like a stand still. People tell me that since I'm going to school I'm not wasting anytime. I look at is as: If i'm not taking advantages of the opportunities of my university or doing everything in my power to go out and find an internship then there is no point. I always end up working at jobs where people who have graduated from GOOD schools, settle for a job as a waitress, or barista. Why? I would NEVER let myself do that. Sure, it may be for a little while until I find something better, but that is what EVERYONE says. Then they end up working the same meaningless job for years because it's quick money or they become too comfortable. This is going to be a good satisfying Friday. (Even if I wont get paid for a month or two...)

I am a busy poor woman

2010-11-30T15:09:00.000-08:00

I'm busy and poor, and this is the worst combination ever. If I weren't busy I'd get to sit around and enjoy my poorness by spending the days in a park writing, or reading books from the library. Maybe I'd get to lounge on couches of friends and spend more time playing the guitar and finding new music to inspire me, making cheap meals from the grocery store and learning to be expressive in my random mixtures of ingredients. I wouldn't be so tired anymore and I wouldn't have to worry about the time so much. But I'm busy and I constantly worry how I will pay for food the next day, how I'll metro to work and school, or pay for gas if I should decide to drive, and don't even get me started on the cost of parking. What happens if I get hungry and I have no money? I'm a mess when I'm hungry. I get angry, and I get confused, my body feels weak and my hands start to shake. What happens if I get so bored I start to cry, which is often. I have no way of entertaining myself because I can never sit still anymore and my mind races about a million things trying to decide which task to tackle first. Even though I am so busy, and I cannot stop from worrying, most things never get done and I just end up feeling like shit.

2009-02-23T19:17:00.001-08:00

I am a coward

I let my mind slip and tremble down the cracks of the cement floor

and you cannot pull me out

I will not let you pull me out

I don't care

that

i've

lost

all

m o m e n t s

I'm Thinking and I'm Trying

2009-01-18T12:42:00.001-08:00

I'm thinking about the snow. I'm trying to decide that it doesn't depress me and I'm trying to enjoy it. I'm thinking about how when I was a child I was in love with the snow. I have journal entries from fifth grade that describe the snow as the most peaceful time of my life. I remember enjoying crazy blizzards and not being horrified to walk home from school in them. I remember the snow men, snow fights, snow forts, and playing in the Boston Commons after church. I'm trying to be in love with the world like I used to.

Finding minutes and seconds

2009-01-14T23:34:00.001-08:00

I wonder if the sunrise is as beautiful as I remember on those 5:00 am walks when I was fourteen. I wonder if the yellow still shines deep and the orange still cries out to be known and I bet the purple still forms in clusters. I'm pretty sure the pink bleaches out the sky and the silhouetted trees still hide within their means. I'll bet that the music that inspired me would still play as sweetly as it used to or that the air is still as cool and calm. I bet if I were home that I could come back and see my parents opening the garage for another garage sale and they would greet me with a confused smile and an odd sense of mistrust having no idea I left.

I bet that these things are never the same.

Nothing at all

2008-10-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid to reveal something too personal, so I type this with patience and caution. Forgive me for building up a wall.